so.....it's been nearly 2 years since i last wrote something here. I'm just finding at the moment that it would be really nice to have a wee outlet for some things and while I would never trust a blog to keep my secrets I think I can at least rant a bit without being judged in the same way.

First, a bit of an update. In July 2012 I bought a house in Newlands, moved in August 2012. I find home ownership very stressful, but also something I really enjoy. If I want to poke a nail into my wall I can do so!! (of course, I also have to fix it if I screw it up!) Had a lot to do on the place when I moved in, first up was a new roof and gutters. Also re-did the bathroom including removing the old shower and installing a new one. My parents are awesome and came to visit in November and helped SO SO much, both physically and financially. With their help I was able to sort out the garden (it's pretty big), completely replace the kitchen!!!, put a new floor in the bathroom, and my dad built me some new stairs to the downstairs area. they're beautiful!! needless to say, there's still more work to be done and i've been horribly lazy and not really gotten to it. more on that in later posts i suspect :)

Work has been going well for me. I'm still in the same job although it's now at the Ministry for Primary Industries, a much larger organisation. I'm still enjoying it and working hard as always to get more responsibility, more recognition and a bigger paycheck ;) been working a lot recently on our National strategy for sharks. I really like sharks so I've found that work very interesting, rewarding, and a great learning experience, as it's pretty complicated and seems to make everyone very opinionated!

Soccer is...well....it pretty much just is at the moment. I did an intense pre-season with a boys team, but i think it was a bit too intense and i got really sore heels and heel pain so I had to back off. Means that I ended up getting into the start of the season not really feeling fit at all. We also have a coach who is too busy to plan sessions and so they're always unorganised and very un-intense. Makes it hard to get the training I really need and it's been showing in my Sunday games. That said, we're in 3rd in the league and managed to knock the top of the table team (Massey) out of the National Cup, so we're not too bad! I'm just not at the standard I would like to be at.

And I've recently become single again, my own doing and possibly one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I've been seeing someone for over 2 years now and he had pretty much become dependent on me. No matter what I said to him, he never saved any money, never really paid any rent or helped with bills but had enough to play golf...the money side of it was frustrating and not very fair, but at the end of the day it wasn't what prompted my decision. That was because I realised that I did not want to have and/or raise children with this person. It sounds so harsh, but no matter how much someone can make you laugh, if you have completely different attitudes towards life and manners and how to treat people, it's not going to work. I found that every night I would get home and we'd sit in front of the TV, he'd constantly be texting and I'd just be sitting there, wishing I wasn't. Combine that with the lack of respect for the things that I worked so hard to earn, constantly tidying up after him, supporting him financially, and wanting to get out of the house I just realised it was time for me to look after me. Of course, now he can't really stay in NZ legally (he's not a kiwi), has literally almost NO money, and seems dead set on moving to Ireland. So in his view, I'm a) forcing him to leave NZ, b) forcing him to go live in a homeless shelter and c)ruining his life. oh, and not to mention that i'm awful for not wanting him anymore.

I'm really really bad at dealing with guilt. Like really bad. But as I've done one time previous to this, I've become impervious to it. I think when you reach the point that you think it would be better for someone to go live in a homeless shelter it really is time...
Of course, now I'm old and single with a house of my own, a job that I like, maybe some friends if I can dust off my old relationships...there's someone out there for me somewhere, right?

Anyways, I only just remembered I had this and I thought maybe I'd try to get back into it now that I might have a bit of time on my hands :)

ka kite