Haha. I had assumed that when i was convalescing after my surgery I would find time to ramble on in my blog again. Obviously, that didn't quite turn out to be the case... I think that's partially because the internet doesn't work in my bedroom and partially because i didn't really have anything to say other than 'i'm bored' and 'fuck this hurts'...On a side note, i'm still torn as to whether or not i would recommend that surgery. i think i probably would for someone who was feeling as i was, but they need to be fully warned that its a bit of a long road back, no matter how fit and 'quick rebounder' the person is. (that said, i surprised my surgeon with my progress after 2.5 weeks so maybe i'm just impatient)

update on that. The surgery went well. The surgeon was able to remove the whole fibroid (~7 cm), although he had some issues as apparently when he tried to cut it into pieces to remove it, it was too 'squishy' and didn't really cut. Turned what is normally a 1.5 hour procedure into a 5 hour one, but in the end it all came out and the only real complication was two of the incisions being a bit bigger than they would've been otherwise. I healed up ok, got a little ambitious at one point and had to confine myself to bedrest for 3 days after that, but by the time I was meant to go on my Caribbean vacation I was all good to go :) The ab muscles were essentially nonexistant and I wasn't very flexible, but I was certainly keen to get back into it.

The Caribbean trip was awesome. Sun, sand, snorkeling, swimming, chillin on a sailboat, beers or rum punch every evening. Really couldn't have asked for more!! The swimming gave me a bit of confidence in how I was, physically. As usual, it was awesome to see my family, especially with my cousin and his fiance around for a while I wasn't the only 'young one'. They left a week early and it actually got a bit more comfortable then. Perhaps I'm ageing beyond my time :P

I got back from the trip and made some tough decisions and then went off (to test my fitness or something) to three days of kick-arounds and soccer games. Needless to say, I was in agony after it all, but, fotunatley, it was my pathetically out of shape legs that gave me all the pain and everything in the region of the surgery seemed to be pretty set to go!!

Couple days later I went off to Australia for Xmas. It was awesome, an orphans Xmas (of sorts) with Kelly's brother in Sydney. The food was amazing, the drinks were flowing, and the people were amazing. Everyone was so nice and just so relaxed and chill about having fun and just enjoying things. Not something you find everyday! I had an awesome trip that involved a LOT of walking around, lots of beaches, tanning, sun and fun. I was sad when it ended, and I would love to go back someday!

Cue current situation. Trying to get back in shape in time for pre-season. I've been doing sessions, I'm so unfit it drives me nuts. Every time I feel like I should be able to handle more than I'm doing and yet I'm dying while I'm doing it, which indicates there really isn't much more I could do. I figure that I'll keep doing the running as I am and will hit the gym pretty hard out to get the muscles in better shape. They require slightly less oxygen when they're in good nick and at the moment it's the breathing getting me, so i'll build up some bulky muscles and then i'll be able to build up the cardio through the running sessions. It's SO frustrating tho!!! I did a session the other day that was a 600m-400m-200m-400m-600m. That was the entire session and I was just SO slow. I mean, I swear in high school I did 3x 800m at 3:00 and it was a piece of cake. This session I did the 600m at 2:30 and I felt like I was gonna die!! And a 400 at 1:40, seriously?!?!?!! I nearly had a full-on break down at the track cuz it just felt so pathetically slow and there was nothing I could do about it. Well, not at that moment.

Now I'm doing something. I did another session today that was pathetically below my standards, but I hit the gym afterwards to do weights, squats and a kick-ass core session. Hopefully if I combine the killer fitness sessions (working cardio, not much muscle...) with the gym (working the muscles) I'll be back to fighting fit in a few weeks and not be the "5th or 6th fittest person on the team" this season. I don't think my new coach realises just how competitive I am. I have never been that low on the fitness scale on a team and I think that it's because of how I compete, not because I'm actually just that naturally fit. Does mean that I have to get my ass in gear before pre-season tho, otherwise his prediction will be right. And his prediction is based on him watching me for a year!!! Fuck that!! I can ask and expect great things of myself when I'm pushed.

That said, this is the first time I've really done proper fitness sessions on my own and I have to say that it is so hard that I absolutely love it. If you can push yourself to exhaustion when you're on your own, you know that you can probably go about 20-30% further when there are other people. Well, at least I know that. Meaning that with another 2 weeks under my belt I'll be ready to go for pre-season. I just have to keep pushing myself!

Back to work on wednesday. Yay.

Been struggling with a lot of my own negativity lately, kinda scares me. I don't want to go down that road at all and at the moment I'm not being pushed there, I'm just doing it on my own. I do think a lot of it revolves around what went on in my relationship last year, but I don't want to make excuses, I just need to work harder on always being positive and seeing the good bits of everything.

My hair is turning grey. It's sad :P Going to impose a bit of "blonde" dye on it shortly.... :)

Sorry for the long post and the delay in posting. I think I post on here for me, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, there's always that wish that SOMEONE would read my stream of consciousness ramblings.

ka kite