Sometimes I hate being me. I just get so depressed and worked up over absolutely nothing. It really sucks. It's like I feel like I'm walking this really thin line and if I'm not careful I'll step over it and everyone will classify me as psycho or crazy or something. Things are just so complicated and I'm trying to just enjoy the present and ignore all the doubts and questions in my mind, but when I have days like today and everything just doesn't seem right I don't know what to do. I think I really just need human comfort or friendship or even just human presence, but I can't just hang out at uni because it's a bit overwhelming at moments and then I don't want to be out in public when I'm trying to to cry for stupid reasons. 

Today I really just feel like going to sleep or sitting in a shower for 6 hours or so until I can find some friends or someone to hang out with and stop my brain from going on and on about how dumb I am to worry about the things I worry about. I wish I had someone I could have lunch with because for some reason i think it would really help me feel better, but everyone has work and if I ask Andy it'll be too much time with me for him and I don't want that. I'm trying so hard to make things work it's just stressing me out or something. I almost feel, well...i dont really know, i just know that i really really hate feeling like this and I don't know how or what to do to fix it. 

My uni stuff is going okay. I've got a meeting with Simon this afternoon just to make sure everything is set for my next experiment and I've got some questions to ask him and such, but I'll soon be on the road to finishing this damn thing. I just want to finish it so my life assumes some sort of normality. If I have work during the day then I'll certainly have workmates and I won't have to spend the middle of each day feeling so absolutely alone. I have work to do and I should just do it. Guess I'll go get on to that. Hopefully I can actually be productive and stop all this stupid blathering about being so damn lonely. It's lame.

It's so hard to stop worrying about things when you have no reassurances that you shouldn't be worrying. Wonder if that makes any sense at all. It's like, well I can't think of any examples...i'm just an idiot. oh well...time to work

oh, i go to the doctor on monday for another set of xrays and some news on what's next for my dear broken collarbone.

cheers