So its dec. 1....creepy...the semester is coming to an end. it's funny, i feel like i'm coming to an end too. i s'pose i'm happier these days, i'm not always worried about what i'm thinking and i'm not spazzing out in the same ways that i was. Although I really dont like being sick...i dnot know why i feel so lethargic. i really feel funny...like it's halfway between having an upset stomach and being paralyzed...k, that's not a good description, but i'm retarded, so you all can figure it out for yourselves = P and my head hurts...it's hurt for the last three days...last night was bad, i couldn't sleep...i couldn't decide if i was gonna boot or if it was just the headache, i also felt like i wouldn't be able to stand up if i tried. maybe i should go get that blood test for anemia...that could explain it...hmmmm
it's weird too, i think i'm going to go absolutely crazy on my trip over break. considering that my mom and i were at eachothers throats just over thanksgiving, gah. sometimes i hate being an only child...
i'm fallin in deeper than i should...gotta stay on the surface...ya ever noticed that? life is so much safer if you just stay above anything real. if you keep everything how society is okay with it, then usually you go through life never really feeling anything, never being hurt, never really knowing happiness either...i dont want to do that, but why subject myself to something that i know is going to hurt? meh....i'm not thinkin about it, i'm just contemplating the implications that thinking about it has...hehe
last night was strange too...i kept crying, and i really didnt know why...except i want everything to go right for someone, and it's not possible...i know that, but i still want it. i also lay there...listening to breathing, and i realized that in my head i was thinking about everything i didn't like about myself. it was really stupid, but definately had myself convinced that it wasn't worth it...imagine being that full of shit? wow..
the morning was nice though....
ooga booga...