I think I figured out why it is that I get so jealous of certain people. And i'm probably still partially wrong, but I think that part of it is that in the life that random people read about. or hear about most, I don't exist. I shouldn't care, because I have the important part, but the fact that I feel like I haven't been mentioned, while a phone call is mentioned...it's just kind of strange. I mean, I understand that getting a phone call from someone you haven't talked to in like a year and half, especially someone who means as much as she did, is a big deal. But I like to think that I too am some sort of deal, and that perhaps I should be a part of that life....i dont know....just random contemplating happening while I should be writing this damn paper....grrrr