Rediscovery!

So it's now just me living in my own house. Well, me and the cat. Cutest cat on the planet, honestly, I'm not biased at all :P

It's been just me for a week and a half now and I'm starting to get used to it and even to enjoy it, although I do feel the need to find more things to keep myself busy. I think of all sorts of things I'd like to do and then spend a fair amount of time coming up with excuses to not do them. Pathetic, I know. Especially since I then sit there and rationalise my excuse-making by saying I'm still adjusting to being on my own etc... The human brain is amazing in its laziness sometimes!

I have been enjoying cooking slightly random meals and having a glass or two of wine or cider with my dinner with no sideways look or feeling that I'm being selfish or hypocritical for doing so. I also have found that I want to post lots of things on facebook. I don't think this is actually what I want, but I think of things that I want to say to people, but nobody to say them to. I didn't really have anyone to say them to before either, but it seems much more obvious now. The cat is lovely to talk to and to watch (especially when she's after a fly), but doesn't answer or give me advice or even really pay attention to the fact that I'm speaking...I also don't think it's anything to do with being lonely, I just like to talk sometimes.

My bus stop friend (I really need to learn her name at some point) has been telling me about the virtues of having a student stay at my place for 3-6 months. These foreign students apparently will come in and do their own thing for food, I basically just need to provide accomodation and they pay me. I like the idea of a little more income and financial relaxation, but at the moment I'm enjoying having my own space too much. I mean, I organised the magazines on the coffee table and they will STAY that way! It's just so ridiculously amazing to have things remain tidy and clean and...yeah.

I'm headed off to Greece in a little over a week. I can't wait to get out on the boat and just relax. I'm sure at some point I'll find myself thinking I'm bored...I might take a notebook with me and see what I can write while I've got the time. I have conversations with people during my day to day life that make me think I could actually write a semi-interesting quasi-fictional autobiography. Or at least that I could write something that allows me to go back in my mind someday and remember all the things that have made me who I am.

I've also discovered that I still seem to struggle with deciphering peoples' intentions. It seems I just can't get it right. A friend who seems entirely harmless and disinterested tries to get something from me...someone who seemed interested in me probably never was, and I'm afraid to be friendly in fear that I will lead someone on and not be able to say 'but i have a boyfriend' as an excuse to run away from whatever mess I may have inadvertently created. What is wrong with me?! Why is it so complicated that I feel like I can't just relax and have fun and be nice...

I started my 6-month secondment at Maritime New Zealand 2.5 weeks ago. It's very, very different to what I was used to at Fish/MPI. Firstly, I'm not really part of a team. Secondly, I report directly to a fairly high level manager. Thirdly, she hasn't really spoken to me since I started. I'm meant to be writing a process and a policy, but I really don't understand why it's going to take me 6 months to write them...I've started on the process and I have NO CLUE if I'm even on the right path, but I have my first meeting with Ms. Manager tomorrow so I guess I'll find out! I mean, I can kinda figure things out myself and do my own work but it helps when there's SOME kind of guidance! Anyway...living and learning and all of that :)