Writing things down seems to make it easier to do them somehow.
I've been quite depressed lately, just feeling bad about myself and how I look and how I deal with people and various factes of my life. I'm not motivated to do my school-work and I have trouble just dealing with simple jokes and such from friends. It's stupid and it's not what I'm really like. I really dislike being like this. Last night I kinda realized that my struggles are making my boy not like me. I can totally understand, who wants to come home to a girl that can't seem to smile anymore and can't really take jokes and teasing. it makes sense. so last night i realized also that i'm not gonna get support or understanding from him. sucks, but some people just don't really want to deal with that stuff. i've gotten past all this before and i was doing well so i thinki'm gonna work on 2 things: 1-maybe think back to what causes this, what changed that made me go from that happy person to this crappy person. 2- life is often about which feelings and emotions you choose to embrace. it's really hard sometimes, but if i focus on the good things i feel, as few and far between as they may be,i should be happier overall and such. This, of course, is on top of working on not nagging and not being so pervasive in everything my boy does. My choice to work on that, andprobably a good one.
In working all of this of course, I'm not gonna make it all better in a day, and some understanding HAS to happen, otherwise I'm gonna just lose everything even with all my efforts. Seems silly, and I think it's because I'm a bit over-the-top myself, but I feel almost completely neglected these days. Like, I'm really trying and in return I just keep hearing about the times I still nag and still do things wrong. I just want to feel special every once in a while. Is that too much to ask? I'm not a bad person, I have some bad habits, but I was liked for a while and it was awesome.Now it'slike I've fallen too far from the happy me and I feel like I'm never gonna get it back because I don't have a whole lot of support.
Anyways...just ranting I s'pose. Feeling like things are sort of coming undone and I'm the one who's gotta make all the effort to hold it together because he probably hasn't even noticed.
Bah.