I hate Mondays. I know I've never really mentioned mondays before, but they really are the bane of my existence. I don't think it's because it's the beginning of the week, I just think they're always a horrible day. Work on Mondays is usually fine and I never really start hating them until the evening. I somehow end up always feeling lonely. It's like, it always hits me that I'm here in another country, away from what I'm used to, the people I talk to here are here, but I don't know what to say and I already feel like I'm fucking with peoples' lives in not-so-good ways which is exactly what I was trying to escape at home. It's not something I do on purpose.
Tonight I had a staff meeting down at the bar. That bar has essentially made my life what it is now. So many of the things I do now can somehow be traced back to that silly bar. I have many fond memories of working there and just hanging out. And now to think of the shit that seems to be going down. And the new staff, one of them seems to be an anal prick. My god i miss the days of being relaxed and being able to trust everyone and KNOWING the other people working. I always felt like I knew what was going on and I could trust all the people working and it was so fun. Now it's a bunch of people who aren't really that friendly, the fun seems to have gone out of it for me, but i'm hesitant to leave it all behind. Yeah, that stuff's kinda weighing on my mind, and obviously it's a bit more complicated than I can really describe.
It really doesn't help that I am almost constantly in some sort of pain these days. I really don't deal well with that sort of thing. It just frustrates me that my body doesn't obey me and causes so much annoyance and makes things not so fun to do. I mean, to be in pain while just simply lying in bed is so bloody annoying. What am I to do? I go to see the physio again tomorrow, maybe this time they'll actually figure out what it is. I know I'm stupidly stubborn on this one, but unless they can actually give me a diagnosis and a reason I'm not gonna stop playing soccer. I won my starting position and I'm not gonna lose it if I can avoid it at all.
I want to lie out in the rain.
I want to sneeze!!!!
I have 16 pages to read and comment on by tomorrow morning...i should be going.
i'm hungry