oye ve. here we are. in the lovely game of life. struggling to keep our heads above it all, and trying to enjoy it as best we can in the process. Is it more important to simply enjoy oneself, or to do the things that make us unhappy and do our best to enjoy them? Should we work to become better people, or just enjoy being shallow and never worrying about self-improvement? how much stock should we put in what others think of us? People like to say "you care too much about what other people think" if you dont care what other people think, won't you just end up with people finding that they can't care about you because you dont care for them? Can a person honestly live without caring for anyone else? Or without having someone care for them? Why is it that looking at funny, random-ass videos of myself can make me laugh so hard i cry, and yet while i cry i wonder if the tears really are from laughter or if they're from missing the life of constant company, friends, people who actually give a fuck what i think. who knows the answer? nobody! great stuff.
tomorrow i've got work at wholly bagels from 9:30-5 and then work at the bar from 8 til whenever. i wonder what the weekend has in store for me. do i actually get to decide if it will be fun or not? can i stop with the "grumpiness" and trying so hard? i definitely should. whether or not i will is another question. a question of fate and the strength of my will. i have no willpower. wonder if i could rouse myself at 7:30 tomorrow morning and go running. i think i shall set my alarm, and if i manage to get up and go running, it will be a kick in the pants to get workin on myself. i think i'm made of the opinion that self-improvement is the best when it's done simply to be a better person to others. not FOR other, but to others. i've done the whole "change to fit someone's mold" thing and i'm not a fan. now changing myself in a way that makes me a better friend, a better listener, a better anything, better at whatever i'm doing. i guess i dont like doing things i cant improve upon. it's part of why i find running so difficult. without races and such i cant judge if i'm improving, so i have no motivation. i want to be a better listener. means i have to stop being selfish. easier said than done, eh.
how do people do things alone. how do single moms do it all without someone to care for them? someone to support them?
randomness
wonder where the heck that necklace came from...
hahaha, i'm such a dork!
wonder what happened to that person. those videos were so funny. thats the thing with moving to a place where nobody knows you. you lose that ability to be completely insane without them judging you. no, people here dont judge that harshly, but if i acted well, like that pic, i'm sure people would think differently of me. (both of those pictures are from a couple years ago)
ahhh, able tasman scenery to complete my add-ness for the night.