the epiphany of the day. strange how many epiphany-type things come from disappointing people. back at Cal, I always had the goal to be sexy and be capable of being seductive or whatever once in a while, and i did a lot of things for that reason. i've now realized that is a stupid way to live and it's not me. unfortunately, someone else realized that before i did and now i feel almost like i've disappointed that person. really wish i hadn't, but better to live with no regrets, aye?
so i've been getting more confident in myself, now i need to make sure that i'm not trying too hard. i always laugh at girls who are trying too hard to look good. i've never been one to dress the part, but i always try to be the part without dressing it, does that make any sense? i think that trying to be that person led to my poor decisions and i dont want to keep doing that. i hate disappointing people. especially myself which i kind of did this time. grrr!
i like rugby.
the epiphany was much more interestsing, but i cant explain it any better because i have issues putting thoughts into words, and because i cant be honest with stuff in here. sucks, but i've got a written journal for honesty these days.
wish i could think of more thought provoking stuff to write in here, and stuff that isn't so self-absorbed.