just some thoughts
1-i had a really fun night last night
2-i think i figured out what the feeling from the other day is.
So last night I went and watched the rugby game at Hotel Bristol with paul, mike, ake, toss, pauls sister and husband, and winifred. the All Blacks won the game! yay! dude, this one guy got knocked out too.it was nuts, he was just all out of it and floppy and shit. they woke him up and he just went back to playing! haha after that we went over to molly malones for a while. it's this irish place with live irish music and such. Jason would like it a lot i think. we hung out there and did riverdance and all sort of stupid things and then we decided to leave and went outside. outside i got a text from shane inviting me to some random party, so winifred and i headed over there and met up with margo. it was SO random! we were at this flat, i knew two people there, libby and shane and i've never actually talked to libby. libby knew the people who lived there, but shane didnt. i met two of shanes friends, and just kind of sat there feeling slightly out of place, but somehow finding it fun anyways. after a while, we went back to murphys with shane, his friend matt and other friend whose name i dont remember. we were hanging out and paul and toss and mike show up there. then everybody left, the guys went home, margo and winifred went over to the pound. i stuck around and chatted with shane and matt a bit more and then went off to the pound as well. they were having a drag queen show! it was really, really entertaining. they'd get up and lip sync to a song and dance around with make up and wigs. i actually found it really interesting that people do that and they're out there everyday in real life, probably working at your local grocery store or something and you'd never guess that at night they cross dress and dance. they also shaved their armpits. these are guys we're talking about here. one of em had a really short skirt.
we eventually got a bit tired of that and went to the kumara where my friend chris was supposedly hanging out. winifred left shortly after we got there, but margo and i stayed and danced for a while and got hit on by some drunk and strange people. very exciting. we finally left there around 3:30 and went to bed. great fun.
very strange and random night.
2- i think i figured out that feeling. i'm actually enjoying being me! it's amazing! i've always found something wrong with me, something that needed fixing, somethat that i hated, but now i'm content. i know i'm not perfect, i know i've got lots of flaws, but i can deal with them and I can enjoy what i'm doing, even if it's boring or something. even my job here, i dislike it a lot, but it doesn't make me dislike myself or anything. i love it! i was sitting in my room and i looked out the window at the "depressing" grey day that looks like it should really be raining, and i thought "man i like looking outside, man i like my life..." it was just the greatest feeling. i have opinions on things! i feel like i know how to think for myself, i feel like i can (kind of) argue my ideas and i'm not some imbecilic person who has no valuable ideas. people used to ask what i thought about something and i'd kinda mumble off, but now i feel like it's all a bit more clear and i have reasons for thinking the way i do, and if someone thinks differently, that's fine, but i'm not going to change my ideas just to suit them. if i'm presented with something that changes my opinions, i'm not gonna keep arguing my point stupidly, i'll re-think what i'm thinking. i just love it! i like being me!! it's SO cool!!! cracks me up too, cuz i'm satisfied being single, i'm satisfied with the strange feeling that i'm incapable of liking someone, i'm satisfied with pretty much anything about myself. i think i still have no ego though, because i dont really think i'm that great, i just enjoy who i am. does that make sense?
those of you who have known me for a while, might find that very strange, eh? = P
that's it for now...i'm unbelievably sleepy... = P
GO BEARS!!!!