I am feeling so incredibly stressed out right now. I kinda feel like I have no control over anything in my life and it's all just running away without me. I was going to apply to CSU Hayward for grad school, but they cut their masters program...then I was going to apply to SFSU, but I don't have the required classes and they cut the program I would have to get in under. I could take the classes through their version of the extension program, but the lady said that it is more expensive. I could also take the classes at a JC and apply for next fall.........
i also have to start working on both of my research papers, but i still have no topic for either of them...i'm performing a harpsichord piece in class tomorrow, but i haven't really practiced and my nails are way too long which drives me nuts but i cant find my nail clippers...
i feel like i'm falling behind in all my classes...i dont really understand anything thats going on in my GIS class and i already turned in one lab not quite finished...
sailing is really fun, being out on the water clears my mind and i feel like i'm doing something i enjoy..which is really good for me
outside of school stuff, my mind is kind of in a turmoil...i haven't been acting much like myself, and i'm completely torn...i miss jason...i really, really, really do
but i cant spend my life thinking about that. it wasn't a good relationship for me and i need to come to terms with that on my own now. it's really, really hard though....and it's really pushing my buttons and making me feel even more stressed than i would be anyways...it's terrible
i'm being so stupid, and trying to find something that will get my mind off all that...thus far it's not working, and i think it's not leading me anywhere productive...but i dont care...i mean...we all do stuff that isn't healthy...we have to deal with the consequences later, but if it's good now....oh well....there's gotta be something out there that can help me....and i'm not talkin drugs...or people...i'm thinking on the lines of something active...some new pursuit that may help me figure out what the fuck to do with myself...i make such bad decisions...but i will stick with them
i really feel like all those hurricanes in florida went right through my head and heart and now i'm just some retarded empty thing...yeah
fuck that