do, do, do....
hi everybody!!! (like that cheap doctor guy on the simpsons)
uhhh.....i just thought i'd write, not much on the mind, but it's been over a month, so i figured i'd announce to the world of blogs, that i am still alive!!!! surprise surprise!!
update on the life of tiffany:
-i'm conducting alfred reed's armenian dances in wind ensemble on the may 2nd concert. it's really hard, but really fun, and i wish i had more time to spend practicing it. maybe later
-i have a huge solo in symphony in shostakovich's 11th symphony. it's not technically tough, but it needs to have a lot of emotion put into it, as well as be in tune, and i need to not pass out before it's over. very challenging, especially considering the amount of pressure david is putting on me to have it perfect. i want to surprise him and have it be amazing, i know i can do it, but there's just so much to do at the moment.
-my paper outline for espm is due next tuesday. shouldn't be too difficult, but the research takes a little bit of time, and it needs to be put into a sensical form that will lead to a paper without too much more effort. i'm hoping to get an a on the paper since i think that would raise my grade in the class to either a b+ or an a-, either of which would be nice at this point.
-my es 196 rough draft is due next wednesday. i'm mostly stressing about this one since i feel like i'm not as far with the data analysis as i need to be, and sergio's gone for the week. i need to be able to sit, spread out everything i have, and just organize it all. unfortunately, most of my resources and things i want to spread out are on the web or computer, so its hard to look at everything at the same time like i want to be able to do. it's gonna take some work on my part, but i think i can get it done.
-i'm actually going to practice twice this week, and i'm sailing this weekend. kind of sucks because ryan and i are not sailing varsity, meaning that our fleet will probably sail two races and be sent in, so i will spend my weekend not sailing, but sitting around getting nothing done, while not getting to enjoy the crazy sailing. kinda shitty. i think if we're sent in, i might leave and go home to get work done.
-oh yeah, my er102 problem set is due on thursday. i feel bad about the way i've been getting those done, but i need the points, and i generally understand what's going on with them, i just cant seem to finish them. it's tough for me, i cant seem to think the way i need to think to do the problems on my own.meh
-i need to take better care of myself. i dont mean in terms of getting more sleep, or even exercising more or anything. i sleep a lot. i need to eat. i think that part of the reason i struggle with enjoying activities and such is because i'm not getting the food i need. my weight is really low, energy level is pretty low, apetite is pretty much gone...i'm going to meet with a friend and get some advice, and maybe pick up some supplements. its weird because a side effect of a prescription i have is anorexia, which seems weird to me, but it's possible...i dont want to be thin like i am, and anorexia means you want to be thin, but i dont eat that regularly, and i think it's fuckin with my system...
-tryin to find a job to stave off the impending "bankruptcy" i feel like i can barely afford to go shopping for food. it sucks because i cant treat myself to something nice every once in a while, because i can barely afford to get what i need...booty!!!
-tryin to find myself. i'm in there somewhere. the me that i want. the me that was. the me that cares. the me that can actually maintain relationships. the me that will finally patch things up with traci. it's weird to have a friend that i cant think about without tears coming to my eyes. i guess we had a special friendship, and i destroyed it. bad allotment of time, eh? i saw her today...didnt say hi...feel like i cant. weird...i wonder how much that is affecting the rest of my life. seems that it probably is since its such a deep feeling that i'm so wrong. it's like, losing someone that i could talk to, also meant losing the me that could listen, the me that could have fun, the me that could enjoy another persons company without worrying about so much stupid shit. wihtout feeling like i had to impress, be who they wanted...
i should stop writing...nobody's ever gonna read this far anyways...
my jas is adorable. i want it all to happen right. i want to not fail at this. i want to feel. i want to succeed. i want to put myself out there. vulnerablity makes us human, right?