SOOooooo...it's now December. Haven't posted in here since October. Lots has happened. Well, actually, nothing has really happened. Still living on Taranaki St with the boy, still working too much at bagels and being paid too little, still playing with anemones and getting frustrated with them. Yup.
My parents are currently in Mexico, my supervisor is in Antarctica, my brain seems to have gotten lost, and I'm just continuing on with everything i've been doing. Things are good with the boy. There are things I would change, things that I wish could be better, there are always things that could be better though. Some of it is me doing things differently, some of it is me just relaxing, some of it is things that I wish would be. Nothing major, and for the most part things are wonderful. It's good times.
Bagels are good, nothing's changed in a while there, just working, making bagels. Still wish I could get paid a little more, but I s'pose when you work a job that doesn't actually require any skills you don't get paid much cuz you're very replaceable. It's fun though. The people at work are always interesting and usually fun to be with and have strange conversations with and such. We've all been out drinking a few times, I've embarassed myself once really bad (bar fight with some chick) (I apparently told her that I'd slept with her ex, which isn't actually true). Funny times.
Anemones are annoying. After my experiments kinda stopped working, Simon came up with a new experiment that had lots of parts and is really interesting. We talked through it several times and I know what I'm meant to be doing, but since he left, I have a really hard time finding people to help me when I have questions, and I can't really work out where to just find these sorts of answers on my own. It's incredibly frustrating. Means that I was meant to have the experiment finished by the time Simon gets back (next week), but there's no way that's gonna happen. IT's ending up that instead I'm completely unmotivated and feeling very very worthless and stupid in academia. I know that I'm not stupid. I know that I am very smart, but for some reason I can't figure this stuff out, and it's just making whatever self-confidence I had in my brain go straight down the tubes. I'm not a fan. I'm meant to go up on Tuesday and have this scary old prof help me with some BSA things, but I can't really figure out what I have to bring up to him, I don't know how to prepare the solution. It's something that should be basic and I should know how to do, but I don't. Gah.
I could write about how I'm feeling, but I can't really say. I can say that I'm almost falling back into some bad habits and some other really really bad habits and nobody cares. Guess that might be cuz nobody knows.
That's the problem I have a lot over here. There isn't anyone that I can really talk to. Like, the person who knows most about me is at home. Here, there's the boy, who I can talk to, but not about things that are really dear to me cuz he doesn't really want to hear about that stuff. I can understand that, he doesn't want a slightly desperate for friends, lonely girl. He wants a happy, social girl... fair enough. My best friend here is probably a co-worker, and a guy, which makes hanging out with him a bit awkward. Yeah.