Alright, tonight sucked severe ass. We got a lot done on our project for e.s. 100. And we think we may have found a place to live next year. I got home all happy and looking forward to Friday night....he IM'ed me and I discovered that he's no longer coming to visit. Someone died, which I understand as a reason, a very legitimate reason...my untrusting brain is being forced by me, to believe him. I actually talked on the phone for like half an hour though! We talked about the whole not talking much thing, I think I explained myself, and I understand a lot better now where he's coming from. I feel sorry for him cuz I've been a real bitch. Now I'm not gonna get my massage this weekend. My back's never gonna recover and I'm gonna be a lame-o forever. o well....so i would still really like to see him. i want to get to know him face-to face...since that's like, never happened.he's gonna be super busy, but i'm thinking about going down to hang out with him. i believe that he did feel bad, but his schedule is so much harder than mine (imagine that!) that i feel like maybe i can put some effort into getting to see him. we'll see about that though. i'm just super disappointed cuz i'd been looking forward to the weekend so much. it was gonna be relaxing and fun...i was hoping for a massage and hoping that maybe i'd feel a bit better about myself after the weekend. Unfortunately that's not gonna happen, but i'll keep pluggin away at life...as though it really means so much, ya know? o well....tomorrow's gonna be long, friday's gonna be even longer. it's really hard for me to not just say fuck it and go psycho looking for guys...i'm really strugglin with being by myself and being single. it's really odd for me...
o well...i s'pose i could say i'm super sad tonight, but there's nothing i can do about it, and nothing he can do about it...so i'll just wake up, and hope that i have friends tomorrow that hug me..i think i'm gonna need it...