ahhh....i think the world would be a happier place if everyone took long, hot, steamy showers once in a while, just because.
i've been busy reading and reading and reading. and wondering how on earth i got so lazy! i have readings every week for my class on thursday, this week there were 4 papers and 3 of them were readable, so i read those about twice each. i also have to do shitloads of readings for my new thesis topic cuz i need to learn so much about it and i have to turn in a research proposal in 2 weeks! and i also have my presentation in my marine bio class on the 27th and i have to get all ready and figure out what i'm doing for that. so many readings!
i've also become even lazier than i used to be. a few weeks ago i wrote about that workout schedule thing that we were trying to do. i haven't really run since that week. haven't climbed since that week. haven't done shit. and i've been eating like a horse! it's so weird cuz i'll not really feel hungry, but then i'll eat like i've been starved on an island for 12 years. it's weird. and it's making me fat! okay, okay, so i'm not actually fat. but when i look in the mirror, there's pudge in places that i dont want to see pudge, and it pisses me off a lot. yes, i know i'm not fat, i know that it could be worse and i should be satisfied...whatever, whatever. i dont like the way it looks. now you'd think, this coming from someone who used to be a bit obsessive about weight, that i'd do something about this and workout so that the pudge would work it's way off and i'd maybe even look toned again. but no. i cant. i'm too goddamned lazy.
i'm happy being me, and i can be happy and not worry about how i look, but in a mild way, that carefree-ness bothers me. what if i actually starting gaining enough weight that i wasn't "thin" anymore? would i be motivated to do something about it? if i were motivated, would i do the right thing about it?
ooooh...so one of the afternoon cleaners at bodyworks got a new job and so hers is open, i cant actually work those hours and she has fewer hours, but helen (my boss) said that we can try to work something out so that i only have to work at 5am 2-3 days a week instead of 5!! and then i could do some afternoon cleaning and stuff!!! my GOD that would be lovely!!!! but we'll have to see how that goes.
i was in a super good mood this morning. still am, just that i looked at myself in the shower and it made me angry with myself.
i've also realized that people dont care about what i did in high school, it was so long ago that being a good runner then means absolutely nothing now. i really, really want to get back in that shape. go out and feel empowered again. feel like i can do things that some other people cant. feel like i have some actual talent at something. of course, i've been saying that for 6 years now and have done nothing about it.
i like wind.
i like wind noises.
i think i'm gonna go to the simple plan concert on oct. 1
i have my final exam on oct. 26.
after classes, everyone will be leaving, anne's going back to virginia for the summer/winter, line is going back to hamilton, mike and ake are leaving for good, paul's probably going home, maybe the guys from my class will be around, but i dont know, i hope so! otherwise the summer could be really boring. wonder where i'll end up living.
i really like wind.
i wonder if it likes me. somehow i doubt that it does.
pic of the night:San Francisco...